"In
my own experience I have found that the most extravagant dreams
of
boyhood have not surpassed the great experience of being
in
the will of God, and I believe that nothing could be better.
That
is not to say that I do not want other things, and other ways of
living,
and
other places to see, but in my right mind
I
know that my hopes and plans for myself could not be any
better
than He has arranged and fulfilled them.
Thus
may we all find it, and know the truth of the Word which says,
He
will be our guide even until death."
-Jim Elliot
For a while now, Johnny has been telling me things like, "I think it's getting closer. I think the Lord may be moving us. I don't know where or when, but I think it's coming." But I would generally brush this off and change the subject. I was happy where I was in our little town, with our wonderful church, in our comfy home, "patiently" awaiting our first child to come to us through adoption. I was good. But in my heart I knew that if the Johnny was hearing from the Lord correctly, it would only be a matter of time. So I began to seek the Lord as well; in a much more general sense, and honestly, didn't think He would answer so quickly. And clearly.
It was about seven weeks ago. Johnny was about to leave for Haiti with a mission team from Westview and had to pick up some bags to take with the team in Montgomery. We had just left the funeral of an amazing man of God, who devoted his life to making disciples of all nations and his trust and confidence in who God is was so convicting and encouraging to us. Johnny and I left that funeral amazed by the Lord and His Sovereignty even through the death of this dear one. I clearly remember thinking at that funeral "Lord, you are worth giving everything for. Our true reward in this life is You!" So we went to pick up the bags and were handed this news: "There's this new opportunity in Haiti…and I think you guys need to really pray about it," my flesh immediately said, "No, that's TOO hard." I didn't want to pray about it. Of course I loved Haiti. Our time there in April was amazing and it was one of the greatest trips I've ever been on! But move there? Be in charge of all that?! I can't do that.
But Johnny kept reminding me, "You can't. He can." The last few months have been FULL of moments like this...where I experienced my extreme inadequacy in situations. Help start a new Sunday School class? Too hard. Counsel women in crisis pregnancy situations? No way. Help lead a women's ministry? I felt God call me to each of these, but KNEW I had to rely on Him for each one.
So as Johnny left for Haiti, I was left with quiet days alone. It was during this time that I was reminded of who God truly was. I was studying to teach Sunday School on Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord will Provide. I saw how amazing it was that not only does this name emphasize that He will provide, but that He sees our need in advance and is already providing for things we don't even know we need. In my daily reading, I was learning of the Israelites and how when the pillar of cloud/fire moved, they were to move. And where it stayed, they were to stay. I saw how God took care of His people in the big transitions of life, as well as every tiny little issue of what that would mean for them. He paid attention to the small details of the place where His glory would dwell. I spent that week trying to come up with a reason not to go to Haiti. And then I realized most of my "reasons" were all having to do with physical stuff. My stuff. My house. My acquired possessions. And every time one of those came to mind, I was gently reminded that was not a reason to be disobedient. It was just stuff.
I'm not sure if I was completely sold by the time Johnny got home, but I definitely felt like my faith was being tested. Refined. Purified. And I was so thankful for that. My sweet husband is an amazing leader of our family and it is a great joy to put trust in his leadership. But he has given me time to hear from God on this as well. He has waited patiently for me to accept this plan for our family. He has encouraged me in my weakness and loved me through my selfishness.
I know some of you are thinking, "Don't you think you made this decision kind of quick?" or "Did you just say yes to the first thing that came your way?" I felt that way a little too, until I realized that this situation is not one in isolation. Our lives have been full of divine circumstances, leading us to this point. None of the past is an accident. And I wish I could tell you the almost daily circumstances that have happened over the past couple of months that have confirmed in our hearts that this is His will, but this thing is getting way too long already.
So after a couple meetings and lots of prayer, that brings us to a few weeks later when we got the call that we were welcomed aboard to Children's Hope ministries. Children's Hope is a ministry out of First Baptist Church, Montgomery. You can read more about them here, but the ministry began as a way to care for the orphans in Jacmel, Haiti. There are 24 children currently at the orphanage. And there are teams from the United States that go almost every week, working with the kids, doing construction, going out into the community and sharing the gospel, working with local pastors and churches, you name it! All with the goal of spreading the name of Jesus throughout Haiti…it is such a wonderful ministry!
Johnny and I will move to Jacmel sometime in February and will live at the mission house (that teams stay in) for about 6 months. We will learn some Haitian Creole, the culture of the area, and all the things that Children's Hope does in Jacmel. We will then begin to help implement an extension of CH in another town called Jeremie, on the north shore of the southern peninsula of Haiti.
We do not take this task lightly and we realize we must continually rely on the Lord and His wisdom each step of the way. If I start to think about it in human terms, I get completely scared and helpless. But I know He has guided us thus far, and He will continue to! I think one of the most amazing things about this journey has been just the joy and privilege to feel God's presence and a distinct and specific guiding. This is so humbling and I am just so grateful. "He leadeth me, O blessed thought!" The mere fact that my faith and trust has been strengthened has made it all worth it! And I know He's not done with me yet. I'm sure there will be more challenges and heartaches and battles ahead, but we know who we serve, and He has not failed us yet. And we know He never will.
If you were to tell me a year ago that I would be writing this post, I might have thought you were crazy. But that just goes to show that we can plan out our lives in the way we think they should go, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21) He establishes our steps (Prov. 16:9) and His ways are so much higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).
Psalm 103:11- For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear him.
This song says better than I can the way I have felt most days:
You call me out upon the
waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the
mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your
name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in
Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest
waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear
surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
Spirit lead me where my trust
is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters,
Wherever You would call me
Take
me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in
the presence of my Savior
(Hillsong- Oceans)
We look forward with great anticipation of the future! We know God is up to something and we can't wait to see what else He has in store for us. What an amazing and faithful Father we serve.
I'm sure there will be more posts as I think of other things to share, so stay tuned!
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| Johnny and I in Haiti, April 2013 |